A Posse Ad Esse
by Nerva al'Thor
Summary: -Oneshot;Complete- More than a hundred years and Ichijou Takuma never notices. -KanaJou-


**A Posse Ad Esse**

_for 'Soka_

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I used to think that I was a strange kid, because I smiled a lot. My 'father' rarely smiled and was always immersed in books, sitting in that great throne-like chair of his in the basement library. He and my 'mother' would look at me strangely sometimes, as if reprimanding me for smiling too often. I would ask them what was wrong but they would assure me it was nothing.

The understanding would eventually come to me, later.

The servants did not know what to make of me whenever I smiled at them. Some would bow, too afraid to look up until I touched their faces. Sometimes they would smile awkwardly back, but the gesture would make me pout because I didn't like fake smiles. Others would not smile to me at all.

We were both five years old in human reckoning when my 'father' brought me over to your house. I smiled at you, and you smiled back and immediately invited me to play with you and your toys. I was mightily relieved. Looks like I wasn't a strange vampire after all.

---

You never noticed it, but I always made it a point to manage a visit to your house once every week, even if I have to fight Haruka or Juuri for it. I never brought any play thing with me because it's a nuisance. I did bring books and traded with you, do you remember?

Days with you were never boring. Whenever I got home Juuri always complained that I never changed at all. She always called me a stuffy old man. I wonder if she realized how true that was. Anyway, what I did went along with her plans for you to influence me to change and try to loosen up. That made things a lot easier.

If only you could have inkling as to how I looked forward to every visit.

Sometimes I couldn't even sleep.

---

There were many noble families clamoring to take me in after Haruka got murdered and Juuri committed suicide. I narrowed down the choice between your family and Aidou's, and in the end, despite my better judgment, I ended up packing my things and going to your estate. Never mind that I was going to be surrounded by enemies from all sides. If it meant being closer to you, then I could handle my broken self better and nurse myself faster to full recovery.

It was the darkness they used to spy on me, thinking that I was too young to know the secrets of controlling the shadows. It is an amusing thought that I still entertain from time to time. True that the ability of listening to the dark has been lost to many bloodlines, even from the Kuran, but I never lost it.

I thought you would never agree to share a room, and I was relieved that you did. I was surprised when you volunteered to join me on the floor. You must have found it strange…a pureblood sleeping on the floor, refusing the bed or the couch. But you see, the very first vampires had no care for any luxury back then. It was enough to have a scrap of clothing on our backs and a comfortable cave to sleep in. The hunt was what mattered.

I would never stop finding luxury and vampires as an odd combination.

---

I disliked answering your phone calls, especially if it's those girls at the other end of the line. I can't stand their giggling. I always watched from afar every time your grandfather tried introducing you to this and that noble daughter, my eyes seeing the discomfort of you that he refuses to acknowledge. I should know how annoying it is to be forced to interact with a girl. Twenty thousand years and that hasn't really changed.

On the other hand, those phone calls were a source of entertainment.

I especially love telling them you're not available because you were taking your time in the toilet.

---

This body has been ravenous for more than a hundred years.

Shock after shock, grief after grief increases a vampire's thirst. This is made even worse if the vampire is not in his original body. It takes a great amount of blood and control not to lash out and hunt even the most innocent bystander. It seemed I was forever in the end of bad luck. Juuri and Haruka's death increased my already unstable thirst, and now I could not risk taking a drink from you.

Oh I had known…it has been a long while since I had stopped looking forward to the scent of Yuuki's blood. But with you so near…how many times had I woken in the dead of morning, only to lock myself in the bathroom to prevent myself from attacking you? I desired your blood, no one else…no one else can quench this festering thirst, this burning curse within my throat.

But I can't…I can't. I would never forgive myself if some harm came to you.

I already have too many sins on my hands.

Yet the fool that you are…you offered me your blood. I could have drained you ten thousand times over and it would not be enough. I could not look at your weakened state after I had nearly drunk you dry. I vowed myself that I would never again…but ah, promises were made to be broken, were they not? Just two weeks later in our new school, I struck again and nearly killed Ruka.

Poor Ruka…I would love to love her back, but my heart cannot.

Because my heart already belonged to someone…

---

This is why I hate parties.

Because I would have to endure the sight of you gallivanting around with your huddle of giggling girls. Did you ever wonder why I always hid away in the terrace? It's such a childish gesture, I know. But at least it saved me the hurt and the unnecessary jealousy.

Sometimes I felt like walking toward you and striking you down where you stand.

How dare you cause me more pain.

I don't need any more pain, do you understand?

I don't.

---

They call me the fountain of immortality in some legends. In lore alone there are countless stories about the wonders that my blood could do. I created the first lines of vampires by letting them drink from me, and during those earliest ages, a single drop of my blood could save a Level D from deteriorating into Level E forever. My children had then decided to keep my blood as pure as it was and safe even from them. How strange. I knew from the start that nothing good could ever come from me biting those mortals and turning them like me, but I was lonely.

Loneliness had always been a central weakness of our race. It is what drives us to commit that deadly little bite that destroys everything in its path.

I had long stopped sharing my blood openly, but to have you pressed against me, your fangs buried deep in my neck, pressed so close I can melt into you and beyond…

Just this once, let me commit another mistake and risk everything all over again.


End file.
